tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post3534459027465485649..comments2019-04-05T12:51:53.566-07:00Comments on LivingJewishLearning : Surprisingly Easy to Quit my synagogueAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-52117368648327239262013-04-10T15:05:47.640-07:002013-04-10T15:05:47.640-07:00Reminds me of our experiences in public schools......Reminds me of our experiences in public schools....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-31467397403944983162013-03-24T11:38:14.327-07:002013-03-24T11:38:14.327-07:00Cyd,
What a sad, sad story. I'm sorry for yo...Cyd,<br /><br />What a sad, sad story. I'm sorry for you...and for your congregation. I work in the synagogue world and I expect that your blog post will be flooding the email in-boxes of my colleagues in the coming weeks. I hope we all can learn from it.<br /><br />In the meantime, I wish you a ziessen Pesach, and much success in finding a new spiritual home. Its members will be lucky to have you.<br /><br />~ Jane.JanetheWriterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10939674499667620123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-62260772068174537512013-03-24T06:41:06.976-07:002013-03-24T06:41:06.976-07:00I am ashamed to say that I am not surprised by you...I am ashamed to say that I am not surprised by your rabbi's response. And at the same time I am completely astonished at your rabbi's response. I believe many rabbis believe it is about them and not about their congregants experience as Jews once they enter the building. <br /><br />In any given congregation there are easily 5-10 congregations nestled together. Young Families = No kids, Empty Nesters - no kids, Tot service families, Family Service Families, Traditional Minyon, Modern Minyan, Merditative Minyan, Musical minyan, Bnai Mitzvah Minyans and the list goes on. On any given Erev Shabbat or Shabbat there is a gathering of minyanim who respectfully participate in what ever minyan is being represented at the time. Friday night live? Traditionalists tolerate it but don't really enjoy it and the list can go on with who attends certain minyanim and who avoids them. <br /><br />I am always amazed at how many rabbis drive congregants away and membership committees just write it off as an issue about the member or member family. This is an old model where rabbis believe there are another 10-20 families just clamoring to join their antiquated congregational model. <br /><br />At this point you could easily organize Torah study in your home with your same thirty compatriots and live webcast the event to your three thousand readers of this article. In one digital swoop you will have created the largest free virtual minyan your rabbi will never see. <br />You're invited to my Torah study any day, any time. <br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04009052080443563905noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-39260459507914761972013-03-22T13:01:27.615-07:002013-03-22T13:01:27.615-07:00Here is some food for thought from folks who are c...Here is some food for thought from folks who are challenging the very notion of the synagogue:<br />Steve Cohen, et al: http://www.alban.org/conversation.aspx?id=9079<br />Jay Michaelson: http://forward.com/articles/142435/dont-call-the-rabbi-make-your-own-rituals/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-17517828115764986842013-03-15T13:55:54.136-07:002013-03-15T13:55:54.136-07:00thinking about the new Reconstructionist approach ...thinking about the new Reconstructionist approach to member congregations:<br /><br />"In the past the cost of their support has been determined by the denominations. This fall, for the first time, the Reconstructionist movement has put that decision in the hands of the congregations. We’re taking this approach because we’re committed to working democratically and because we understand the changing nature of membership organizations. Rather than sending a “dues bill” based on the number of members, we’ve asked each congregation to choose one of three levels of financial support. They can start at a very modest level (1/1000 of budgeted expenses) and can go as high as they choose. They can scale their investment in the movement to suit their overall financial situation – and balance it among their other commitments. Depending on the level they select, they’re entitled to a given amount of individual attention from the movement’s consultants and other professionals. We believe that this will make stronger congregations on the local level and create a more meaningful relationship between congregations and the central organization."<br /><br />http://ejewishphilanthropy.com/a-changing-landscape/<br /><br /><br />Is this a model we can adapt for individual members as well?alexhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09554730332610167851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-25023921442326270942013-03-14T15:49:09.669-07:002013-03-14T15:49:09.669-07:00Adena I hope I will get to write a next chapter.fi...Adena I hope I will get to write a next chapter.find a path to communal Jewish life. I think that in my community there are many options and I hope to do that.<br />you are a leader who will be writing a new story.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-39837233443863828582013-03-14T15:48:20.291-07:002013-03-14T15:48:20.291-07:00HI Amy
nice to hear your voice.
Yes I've share...HI Amy<br />nice to hear your voice.<br />Yes I've shared in numerous ways how the Shabbat experienced influenced my life. It had become critical to my weekly rhythm. <br /><br />I love the idea of starting a blog where people can share those inspiring stories of how engagement in their congregation is impacting their lives. I think we can learn a lot from those successesAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-74891723525187193482013-03-14T15:45:18.452-07:002013-03-14T15:45:18.452-07:00Thanks for the invitation. I am searching for a ne...Thanks for the invitation. I am searching for a new home and know I'll find one. I live in a community where fortunately there are many opportunities.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-47461291281881620142013-03-14T15:44:38.768-07:002013-03-14T15:44:38.768-07:00I appreciate the rebuke. Rightfully you are raisin...I appreciate the rebuke. Rightfully you are raising really important questions. I assure that no decision was made quickly or easily. <br /><br />I don't suggest that congregations run after folks but I do suggest that redefining the relationship is a great opportunity. Full membership might not feel right but are there other options?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-76433787309352409752013-03-14T15:42:37.766-07:002013-03-14T15:42:37.766-07:00Thank you for taking the time to share your experi...Thank you for taking the time to share your experience. I think congregations have their hearts in the right places. They are trying very hard to meet needs and meet vision . I think there are a lot folks walking around with "hurts" because there is some disconnect between the structure and the need. We have inherited a structure that needs to be adjusted. So I'm most interested in what does a synagogue look like that reflects their true heart intent. I don't think anyone intended that the organizational decision they made would "hurt" they just couldn't see another option..that for me is the missing piece..what are the options?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-47663833909455061042013-03-13T15:00:53.340-07:002013-03-13T15:00:53.340-07:00Hayim
I was thinking about your new book on the ...Hayim <br />I was thinking about your new book on the train this week when you called to tell me you had responded to my blog. I appreciate your compassion and insight.<br />I do think it is a real challenge to imagine what does a congregation look like when it balances mission and the individual. I am using your book in my class in organizational dynamics at HUC to help us "see" what this can actually look like.<br />I love the quote from your book that clergy needs to be the cultural mediators:<br /><br />"addressing people's real every day concerns about health relationships work play spiritual and intellectual growth, children, money and loss--the stuff of daily life...each synagogue must address these subjects and help individuals experience the value of exploring them as a community. It means recrafting the interpretation of core Jewish values and practices to resonate with contemporary sensibilities."<br /><br />I know everyone, including the congregation I left, is working on figuring this out.<br />Thank you for your leadership.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-88347446868054561362013-03-13T14:53:08.523-07:002013-03-13T14:53:08.523-07:00I really appreciate the challenge of the economics...I really appreciate the challenge of the economics. is it the business model that makes us hold so tight and miss the mission? And if it is I'm guessing that in the end I think missing mission will end with missing dollars.<br />I guess that is why so many people are talking about new business models. <br /><br />Today I learned about the Meyerson Foundation in Ohio. I was so impressed with the work that they do and the principles that guide them. One thing I learned was:<br />when people make a reservation and come to one of the family or young adult events they don't pay. If you make a reservation and don't come--you pay. And if you come to the event at the door you pay. I loved this idea-(and yes they have funds to do it).<br /><br />Thank you for taking the time to share your insight and your compassion. Together I think the Jewish community is and will be figuring out new ways to meet a holy missionAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-30487021591916027022013-03-13T14:43:34.915-07:002013-03-13T14:43:34.915-07:00Thanks friend.
Living with paradoxes at all times ...Thanks friend.<br />Living with paradoxes at all times is a life challnege<br /><br />koach halashon and tochechah<br /><br />"Death and life are in the power of the tongue." (Proverbs 18:21)<br />vs<br />Rabbi Jose ben Chanina said: "A love without reproof is no love." Resh Lakish said, "Reproof leads to peace; a peace where there has been no reproof is no peace." (Genesis Rabbah 54.3)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-23010988158397334412013-03-13T14:38:12.506-07:002013-03-13T14:38:12.506-07:00I spoke to a congregation that told me they had pr...I spoke to a congregation that told me they had prepared their board members to meet with four congregants a year in a one on one. That is they taught them how to listen and said this is your responsibility.<br />I think it is a good idea if we think about not just having Rabbis take on that job but think of ways that everyone is responsible to be on the listening and responding tour..what do you think?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-6222624317427910162013-03-13T06:05:52.045-07:002013-03-13T06:05:52.045-07:00Hi Arnie
thanks for the support
I have spent the l...Hi Arnie<br />thanks for the support<br />I have spent the last 30 years in service of synagogues growing and changing to meet the quests of their learners/congregants. I am hopeful.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-60140827563130208392013-03-13T06:03:00.027-07:002013-03-13T06:03:00.027-07:00Hi Gaston,
I've taken up horse back riding...a...Hi Gaston,<br />I've taken up horse back riding...and am open to new places to daven.<br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-80688181064682953012013-03-13T05:57:57.929-07:002013-03-13T05:57:57.929-07:00I am very interested in your idea of enabling both...I am very interested in your idea of enabling both communal prayer and personal prayer and reflection. I think that is the part that meant so much to me in the smaller story telling, prayer Torah kind of group...I had time for both. I usually find in the larger service the only personal time I have is when I say my silent prayer at the end of the Amidah. The words I say have a lot of meaning..I've been saying the same prayer for years and years..it is personal and it short but not really "exploratory," and "reflective." <br />So what does it look like when a congregation has spaces and times for both the stanza and the refrain?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-21319044494446767642013-03-13T05:52:14.464-07:002013-03-13T05:52:14.464-07:00Hi Marsha,
Thank you for taking the time to share ...Hi Marsha,<br />Thank you for taking the time to share your story. You are fortunate to have found your home at Ansche Emet. It sounds like a wonderful and inclusive community.<br /><br />I know there are many people who find their "home" in the shul I left. This morning on the train I spoke to congregant who has a child with Aspergers. The Bar Mitzvah was this past Shabbat and she couldn't say enough about how caring the community was and how much the rabbi adapted the service at Havdalah to meet her son's needs. The joy in her life and the love shown for her child will last a life time.<br />I think the synagogue has many many of those stories to tell. Is it that it is just hard to stretch for everyone and that is just the reality? i'm just not sure.<br /><br />I do have a colleague who lives in Chicago. If I'm in town for Shabbat sounds like a wonderful community to visit. Thank you for the invite. Chag Sameach (very soon).Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-51268579781564421312013-03-12T17:03:46.040-07:002013-03-12T17:03:46.040-07:00Tara thank you for sharing this story. I still bel...Tara thank you for sharing this story. I still believe the congregation i left is a good place and serves the spiritual and learning needs of their congregants.<br /><br />When I was a director of ed, it always struck me that the "synagogue journey" stories that people carried were like "family journey" stories with both great joy and great hurt. I wonder if that is a reality because of the complexity of our own lives and the complexity of synagogues.<br /><br />With promise of a better tomorrow and the energy you bring I'm sure you will build/be part of a community that is your home for your growing family.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-49742321938925615822013-03-12T16:59:28.325-07:002013-03-12T16:59:28.325-07:00Hi Saul, Hayim Herring in his blog, Hayim's bl...Hi Saul, Hayim Herring in his blog, Hayim's blog, had the same "2013" response. <br />As soon as I buy that one bedroom in NYC I am joining your shul! Thanks for the invite.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-58800281299044312082013-03-12T16:57:54.916-07:002013-03-12T16:57:54.916-07:00I love your notion of "radical hospitality.&q...I love your notion of "radical hospitality."<br />I haven't read Ron Wolfson's new book but I am looking forward to it about Relational Judaism.<br /><br />Oddly, by some crazy turn of events, I got email yesterday from the bikkur cholim committee saying I hadn't signed up again this year. So I wrote a note back saying I didn't belong to the congregation anymore but would be happy to have my name on the list to help when it is needed. the note back said: Oh I'm sorry I didnt' know you had left the synagogue.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-29951885039731560042013-03-12T15:45:32.744-07:002013-03-12T15:45:32.744-07:00My parents also left their synagogue of 30 years t...My parents also left their synagogue of 30 years this past summer. Their choice was based on different circumstances, but the congregational response was similarly disappointing. I suspect that the synagogue of my youth is afraid to change in the ways it needs to in order to face the challenges of Jewish life in America today. I too would love to write a new story for our synagogues.Adenanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-14733624417142820062013-03-12T13:47:16.453-07:002013-03-12T13:47:16.453-07:00Cyd - forwarding this to clients, but mostly just ...Cyd - forwarding this to clients, but mostly just so sad for you. I know how important that community was/is to you and I hope that you quickly establish a new way and a new place to observe Shabbat. <br /><br />I also want to remind people out there reading this that many of us can still write similarly compelling success stories about why we stay at our congregations - and the principles and lessons learned are exactly the same. It's not the programs, it may not even be the people, but it's the opportunity to create a path.<br /><br />Amy Asinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-43418714154825029012013-03-12T13:18:38.527-07:002013-03-12T13:18:38.527-07:00Hi Elyse
I know you have shaped a new model that t...Hi Elyse<br />I know you have shaped a new model that truly speaks to the quests of individuals while building a community of purpose. yasher koachAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1844366543088143167.post-52047477203960480542013-03-12T13:17:37.107-07:002013-03-12T13:17:37.107-07:00I felt a bit scared to admit that long services do...I felt a bit scared to admit that long services don't speak to me. So now I'm out. And yet I'm guessing I'm not alone. I agree let's not put vanilla and chocolate at odds. And yet I do appreciate the challenge of creating a structure that enables both. This is the new frontier. Also yasher koach on your new blog Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07872303776016623020noreply@blogger.com